Pressing Through Anxiety
Last week, I pressed through a lot of anxiety. Being undiagnosed with Asperger’s and anxiety until a couple of years ago, I really did not think about anxiety growing — it was always there and felt “normal” to me, but I did have a knowledge that many people did not feel or respond in the ways that I did. I had panic attacks and anxiety my whole life. As a child, my mother would get so frustrated with me because I was so social and seemed to be at ease interacting with others, but I would start getting stomach aches, sudden fears, loose my words, start to cry, all sorts of manifestations before or after social events. However, the manifestations did not occur for similar situations. One day I would be in a panic about going to school and having to talk to people, but I had no qualms about getting in front of people and dancing. One day, I could walk into a room and talk to everyone without any issues. Then, on the way home start acting out or get a stomach ache and emotional. I had stomach aches a lot. Anxiety ripples fear throughout me and makes me emotional. In my emotional state I begin to loop. My loop can manifest on anything – it is solely based on whatever has triggered me for the day. It may mean absolutely nothing to me, but I cannot let it go such as when someone posts a quote from a famous person and I question whether or not the person actually said it. I will spend hours in search of finding the direct quote just to satisfy my curiosity. However, it really does not matter to me, BUT I MUST know. My mind needs that stimulation, say “information” drug release to help calm my anxiety. That is how I have coped with my anxiety throughout my life – when I was younger I went to encyclopedias and dictionaries.